I am an emotional wreck; I can never speak for them and have never known how to deal with them. My mouth and my heart and mind never are on the same page so when it comes to deal with them I shut myself in. And since there is no market for my emotions but I have literally wanted to sell them he has always been the special buyer. He has always been the special one in my good and the bad, in heaven and in hell.
There were times when I would ramble on and on and he would listen to them all. Sometimes I would literally crush him in my arms and he’d bear that with a pleasant smile, and some other times he would ignore even my ignorance towards him. I would sleep against him, on him, with him and why not, he has always known how to deal with me. He knew when I needed him and when I needed some space, he was the only one who wouldn’t complain.
He is the special one for me and will always be, my lovely Noir,
And he is certainly not my boyfriend, as a matter of fact he isn’t even a human being :-p
Walking down the beach,
cool air blowing away my hair,
the warm sun smiling at my face,
how else could things be beautiful?
PC: Yadu Nagar
“There are no facts, only interpretations.” –Friedrich Nietzsche
“Love is a verb, without action it is merely a word.”
I am a strong independent woman,
They say, but I do have my own doubts.
You are built of iron, but does it never break?
You are self-sufficient,
You don’t need anyone,
But how can I be my own doppelganger?
You are a confident woman
They say, but I do have my reservations,
For deep down I am shattering bit by bit
The iron has been hit too hard,
It’s moulding and remoulding,
Losing all its true essence.
I was travelling and it had been a long journey, with a sleepless night and a delayed train. Impatiently waiting for my station I noticed the people sitting across me and couldn’t help but give them a big smile.
There were two kids approximately 5 years old accompanied by their father. Honestly, they were the two cutest kids I’d ever seen, with chubby cheeks, turban tied hair and the amazing smile. They were busy in their own world fighting for the small car, their dad’s mobile phone and nothing in particular. One of them picked up the last cookie from the packet and took a bite when their dad said to him, “You didn’t give it your brother? How can you eat it alone?”
What the boy did next kept me smiling. He halved the cookie and gave it to his brother with no regret on his face. His smile was in fact wider when he added, “If you want you can have the whole cookie. And sorry that I did not asked you before eating it.”
Their father could have bought them a whole new packet, it was sure no big deal but it was the act of kindness that mattered, the teaching of sharing, the act of love involved that mattered.
What we teach our kids is really important these days and he sure is a great dad, and I am pretty sure that these kids will prove to be few of the best people of the next generation. I couldn’t believe 5 years old kids behaving with such maturity while sometimes even older people like us tend to forget our protocols.
They sure made my morning beautiful.
Mind: what are you doing? Are you of your senses? I think I am working pretty well for you to behave like this.
Heart: why what have I done? I am just talking to him.
M: yes, but you know, what is going to happen.
H: no, I don’t know and neither do you.
M: no dear I think I am smarter than you. I know how this is going to end.
H: stop being pessimistic.
M: I am just being rationalistic. He is going to talk to you for a few days and then just suddenly he will be out of your sight and you will be shattered, once again, disappointed in yourself for trusting someone and depending on someone, emotionally yet again.
H: why, couldn’t it be otherwise?
M: I think you have seen enough to realise that by now. My friend I am not your enemy. This is just a reality check for you. Stop it here. Or else the consequences are not beautiful. He cannot be trusted and you have been broken enough, it could be you last survival hit. Do not trust on your intuitions again, they have never been helpful. Just believe that not everyone is made for that kind of love, or friendship if that is what you are trying to say next. Please, I can’t see you being broken again, the healing is process is long enough and it also terminates a lot of my works. And, all of this just for one person? Why do you want to trust again, open up again, confide in someone else yet again only to be wrecked once again? Why?
H: But why not?
PS: Since love is in the air, a little something of my mind and heart’s confusions I have almost for every other person. Hope it’s worth your time. If nothing else just humour yourself.
Be silly enough to miss someone who like the desert misses the rain,
Be wise enough to know that the rain doesn’t care about the weather.
PS: Just a little something that I fell in love with while reading it in a book.
I used to be kind to people, no matter what but then few circumstances led me to be a bit rash; as and what the situation wants but honestly nothing helped me neither being kind needlessly nor otherwise. My face; well, it deceives me always even if I am kind, it tells the story of my wrathful heart and when I am trying to be the rude judgmental lady it declares the words of the crying heart. It’s like an open book which can be read by any stranger. Literally; people have mocked my wrathful heart and even smiled generously at the teary one but also otherwise.
But what about the undisclosed emotions shut deep down within me; hidden somewhere even from me? I think they are the lies engraved on my face; like the black eyes which do not change their color, like my puckered mouth which smiles unnecessarily, like my ears listening to everyone’s story, like my nostrils breathing in life.
These are lies on my face, deceptive lies, do not believe them.
PS: I don’t know if I am making nay sense!
Marriage? Just how big a decision it is? Enormous, right? Who to marry? When to marry? Is the person right for you? And many more unanswered questions pop into one’s head when thinking about this earth-shaking resolution.
So me and my friend we were sitting in the food court of a mall, sipping coffee and discussing over this very subject. Well, even we could not conclude to any answer and ended up saying it is contingent to every individual. But he said something very deep, something that kept me smiling the entire day.
“You love reading books so marry someone who can be your book, whose pages are unending, whose words mean always something new to you. The book that imparts wisdom, makes you laugh, makes you cry, tells you the truth but also lies to you to make you smile, whose words make you wonder again and again, who is a puzzle, a mystery you love to solve, a book that has all the answers to your questions. A book that you want to read again and again. A book that may not be a bestseller but would surely be you’re ‘the only classic’. A book which after every read, you close it and stare at the cover smiling and you wish that it would happen all over again. So marry someone who could be your book.”
PS: The idea belongs to my friend’s philosophical mind but I took the liberty to exaggerate it.
So what are your thoughts on it? Do you agree? Would you have it any other way? Would you marry someone like this?