A Woman That You Don’t Desire!

I am a woman.

I am black, I am white,

I am wheatish.

I am a woman beyond colour.

A woman that you don’t desire.


I am fierce, I am wild,

I am not feminine, not masculine,

I am a woman, beyond qualities and quantities.


I am fat, I am too thin,

I have flappy breasts and heavy thighs,

I am a woman beyond any shape and size.

A woman that you don’t desire.


I am emotional, I am sentimental,

I, may be cry a lot,

I am a woman, who speaks her heart out.


I am a woman, not a commodity.

I have my own rights and decisions,

I am a woman who owns power.

A woman that you don’t desire.


I am beyond pink, beyond the kitchen walls,

I am beyond the dresses that I wear,

I am beyond the qualities that the society wants me to bear.


I am self-sufficient, relentless,

I am happy, I am sad.

I am a woman that has in her all.

A woman that you don’t desire.


I am a woman that has been smiling,

I am a woman that has been celebrating herself,

Every single day, not only on this women’s day.


I am a woman that you have been mistreating,

I am her, whom you have been supressing,

I am a woman who has still always been fighting.

A woman that you don’t desire.


I am a woman, you fucking idiot,

I can never be owned, never be chained,

I am a free bird.


I am a woman that you are scared of,

I am a woman that you can’t ever celebrate,

I am the women you always wanted to destroy.

A woman that you don’t desire.


Well, I do not care.

I am a woman of resilience.

I am the woman that can fly,

I am the woman, who pines to reach heights,

A woman that you can’t desire.




Lost Opportunities!

What do you do when an opportunity knocks at your door, a good opportunity that you were not seeking, that you were not waiting for, and which came out of the blue? A normal human like you would open the door in a flick and grab that opportunity to may be never let it go, right? But the ever questioning woman that I am, the ever reasonable and rationale seeking person that I am, always, always does otherwise. I, for that matter, when an opportunity knocks, do not grab hold of it. What I do is, I open the door, pick it up, trying to make myself feel that I might just keep it this time, but instead set it aside and leave the room, the house, and run  away, as far away as I can.

It is not that I don’t ever want that chance; I am a human after all. But every single time, reasons and other plights and scrapes take hold over that door and shut its bolts.

Well, I am not complaining, I cannot. It was my decision, and I am in all means responsible for it. Neither do I regret it, nor this time, nor have I ever. Every single time I bid adieu to something which I couldn’t get hold of, I have never regretted it. Sometimes it might have made me nostalgic, a bit sentimental may be, but as time elapses I get over it.

But what keeps me going is the road beyond that door, with no limits, the free air, the cool breeze, and those tiny little droplets of hope.

The process isn’t easy though.  Sometimes is crucial and sometimes it’s a cakewalk, well it depends every time.

But every single time, I wonder what if this was my last opportunity? What if that door never opens again? What if nothing else comes up? What if I have exhausted all my opportunities? What if no other window opens up?

But then again, that is a chance I am willing to take, for the same sake of reasons and plights which I leave them.

They say, an opportunity lost is an opportunity gained, at least the optimists do. (Unlike the pessimists whose exhortation would be “An opportunity lost is lost forever) May be I gain another opportunity every single time, and may be some of these days; I am going to have to remind myself that their stock is being heaped down soon.

I could simply say, at this point, I can relate to Kazuo Ishiguro when he said, “There was another life that I might have had, but I am having this one.”

PS: Do you guys go through any of this? Do you regret your decisions? What do you think, is every opportunity lost, lost forever? Or do you think everything happens for a reason, and are a hopeless disciple of destiny?

Death Or Life- What Gives You True Pain?

2018 has not been very compatible to me yet, I guess it doesn’t feel good with me, or it just doesn’t want to make me feel good. Any which ways, I am tortured. 3 months and 3 deaths!! How is that possible? How am I supposed to even live with it? You will say, I have to and I will but it doesn’t at all feel good. None of them were close family members but all of the three people were relatives, one being a friend a distant one, a junior school-mate and yet I do not feel good about it. I feel sad.

Having received death news is never good news, of course it never is but then when you hear about a person’s death that was your age, your friend, you do not know what to do. It cripples your heart.

This friend I am talking about wasn’t my best friend, so I cannot say I am dying inside to hear this, but he was a kind person, a sweet person. I knew his family very well, his sister, his mother, even his dad. All of them are such lovely souls, and yet, I ask, do they really deserve this? Do they deserve the death of a young son, a young and a happy-go-lucky brother? Does that young boy deserve death? I repeat, young, again and again, only to emphasise, the fact that a mere 20 something person died, all of a sudden, leaving behind all his loved ones, shattered and broken.

I feel so depressed, writing about it, even thinking about it, that I cannot even begin to think how and what his family might be going through. I, really cannot say that I understand their pain, no I cannot, and can never until I go through such a loss.

This brings me to a thought, again and again and again. What if something so traumatic happens with me or my family? What if, I have to go through something so disturbing and painful? What will I do? I am losing it completely now, how would I handle anything beyond this?

Death is unpredictable, absolutely uncertain, then how can anyone live with this uncertainty?

And yet, we have to. We have no other alternative. Do we?

They say; time heals everything. But does it? Or does it simply makes you immune, and gives you the patience to live with it?

The selfish human that I am, I am making it all about me, again. I am forgetting, rambling about my agony here, that this, what I am going through now, is simply nothing. It is ‘just’ a fear of losing someone, and the pain of losing a friend, an acquaintance, and in no case it can be compared to what his family might be going through now. I am truly sorry for him and his family. Whatever I write and say here, can in no possible way express what I am feeling right now. I can in no amount of synonyms and adjectives express my feelings. I am so deeply touched that it can be expressed with nothing, with no words.

I cannot even begin to think what his loved ones might be going through now, and honestly I do not have the courage to, too.

William Shakespeare once said, “Death once dead, there’s no more dying then.”

So is it okay, that he is dead? His pain is over, right? But what about the people that he left behind? I ask this here, because, there is a possibility that he committed suicide. I cannot say for sure, we have just heard it. Some said, it was a road accident, and yet others who lived with him have to say that he committed suicide. We don’t know, and we might never know. But does the reason matter?

Does it?

According to Shakespeare, after death, there is no pain, but I guess there is. There definitely is.

I am sorry. I guess I have said enough, only to feel more vulnerable. Today, all I can think about is death, and its consequences. This truly is not making me feel good. (I know I must have repeated this several times, but I honestly don’t feel good.)

To end this post on a cliché dialogue from a full time Bollywood movie (Boss)

Ronit Roy says-“ maut ko to yuhin log badnam karte hai.. asli takleef to zindagi deti hain.”

“People defame death, but true pain and suffering comes from life.” (Okay, I know the English translation might not be that effective.)

And I think, today, I do agree with this dialogue, doesn’t suffering come from life? Once you are dead, you are simply dead. But when you are alive, you are alive, alive with that excruciating pain. And you can do nothing about it.

I am in no position to judge anything here, nor do I want to. But I desperately feel bad for this friend of mine. We may have lost touch, but this news came as a shock.

In a flick, he just passed away, and left behind grief and misery for everyone who knew him.

From the bottom of my heart, I pray that no single person has to go through with the kind of pain that he might have gone through, and that his family must be going through. May all of them find the strength that they truly need in this crucial hour.

And may his kind soul rest in peace.


2B or not 2B?

Today, while surfing through Fcaebook, I came across this post on one of my groups and I couldn’t help share it here.



A little appreciation for Art.

My city does not usually have art exhibitions, or many artists for that matter, or may be I do not know about them. But recently I went to a place nearby and stumbled on this very small exhibition.

I put up here three of my favorites among them. (Because of course I can never pick one.)








One Big Happy Family.

Warning: If you are looking for heads and tails to a story, do not, I repeat do not proceed reading this post, not even as much as look at the pictures.

Once upon a time there was a lonely pigeon called A.


Time passed by, and one fine day his eyes fell on someone, a very beautiful other called B.


Though there was initial hesitation between the two shy pigeons, eventually their loved blossomed.


One fine day, at the very place where the two love birds used to meet, there came a third person called X. Of course, there has to be something amiss in a love story, right?


“Wait, what? There is someone else?” The B was heart broken.

A had to coax and cajole that in no way X was related to him.


“I will jump from this building if you don’t come back.” A warned.

Well, our B was very emotional and believed in what A had to say after seeing A’s stupidity 😀


And they were back together, very happy with each other.



In future they would make X jealous, with their one big happy family, X standing just a little away.

Okay, I am sorry for this really ‘bad’ post. This might be the lowest level of my humor. But as it happens, people who know me, might relate that when I am bored and or tired I, specifically my mind, can go to really great extremes, one of the result of which is this post.

And if you have come this far, I truly, really am thankful for bearing with my deranged mind.




I Am Tired!!

I am literally tired right now, not only mentally but also physically. My mind and my body fail to work anymore. I do not even wish to move a little bit more, even a very little to get what I want. I am at a point where I will just let it go, if anything has to go. I am simply tired.

Some might say that may be if I do not lose hope right now, if I do not let things go, maybe there is a possibility that I might get it right around the corner. Well, may be yes and may be no. I don’t even want to know the answer.

I am not losing hope, hope is what keeps us alive, I just do not want to wait and be restless any longer.

I am happy right here, with what I have and how I am.

What’s wrong with being content?

As of now, with my being exhausted and weary, I am spoiling myself, pampering with all the tasty food and loads of sleep, with cups and cups of coffee and books, with zero thoughts and a big reasonless smile. (The last time I did that I gained 10kgs, let’s see what happens this time 😉 )

And that is how I am awfully drained and yet content.


"I think Therefore I am" -Cogito Ergo Sum

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