Being possessive

“I may seem sweet and nice but if you borrow my book and forget to return it, I will break a level of crazy that will make your nightmare seem like a happy place.”

 

Nothing that I wrote, but seems apt though.

 

It’s only sad that my friend who took my book would not read this. 😂😇

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WordPress World.

People just drift away, don’t they?

I took refuge in the world of writing and blogging, thinking that everything will be different here. And yes, it was! I have loved here always.

But just like the real world, I have lost some of the virtual friends too. When I started blogging, I did not know anyone here, and there were few people who would be always here for me, would read my posts, let me know how they feel about it. I loved reading their blogs too. But where are they?

They seem to have just vanished. I keep visiting their blogs- no recent posts! I fill up a comment on the “Contact us” page, but there is no reply. I guess they have just stopped blogging.

Then there are people who just vanish away, because of the wordpress glitches, I though they had gone away too, until of course I open my spam folder only to know they have been always there. Seriously, what is up with this spam thing?

So before I find anyone else missing from this virtual world, I’d just want to say thank you for always listening to my ramblings. You do mean a lot to me whether I say it or not!

And also please keep checking your spam folders! (Just in case!)

 

A tragicomedy: a play in 12 days.

“To (be able to) laugh at our misery is the only way we have found of coming to terms with it.”

 

Day 1:

Hey, so when are you planning to come?

What for?

Dude, I am getting engaged! We are having a grand party here. You have to be here. Don’t give me any reasons.

I know and I will be there, just send me the dates, and I’ll let you know how can I arrange things. I wouldn’t want to miss it for anything.

Day 2:

I will reach right before the day of your engagement. This is all I could do in such short notice. My work is all jammed up and any day before that would be really difficult. (And expensive)

Okay, no problem! All that matters is you’d be here on that day. You are my only girl, babe!

Day 3:

Since I am going so far I might as well visit my brother. He has just gone to this new city, and a surprise wouldn’t harm anyone. I think he’d be glad.

Day 4:

The stay extends up to a week long, making me return after Raksha Bandhan. What best gift for my brother than a surprise visit on this day?

Day 5:

Buying of gifts for this pretty “bride to be” and my brother.

Day 6:

Trying to finish all the work, literally all the work that could not wait for a week, and also everything that couldn’t be done by anyone else instead of me! And believe me the list went on.

Day 7:

A little bit of shopping for myself.  I wouldn’t want to look like someone not invited to that grand celebration of that lovely couple.

Day 8:

The rain persists.

Day 9:

Doubt of plans.

Day 10:

I am sorry darling; I don’t think I can make it on time. There is water everywhere. The streets are flooded, roads are jammed, there is barely any movement. The officials have warned everyone around not to get out of the house unless very urgent. The airport is almost submerged, and even if the flight takes off there are pretty chances that they’d land me on some other city altogether, if the situation worsens. I don’t think I can manage so much hassle now. It is really difficult to travel so far now.

Why do you stay so far?

I know, I understand but this is clearly not in my hands, it is an act of god. (Pleading my case as if in a court.)

I don’t know you have to be here. You always have reasons.

When have I last made a reason?

I don’t know, you have to be here.

I wish I knew how to swim, I would then surely be there. (I risked a joke.)

Okay, you don’t want to come, don’t come then, even I won’t attend your engagement.

Seriously, I wish I could come; it’s really not in my hands. After such disastrous delayed flights even my parents wouldn’t want me to travel. I am sending you the picture of airport, tell me if you still want me to come.

IMG_1639IMG_1638

Okay, I got to go now; I am getting a call from ‘him’.

Okay, take care babe; I am really sorry that I am not able to come. (Oh God, what about the money that I wasted on booking tickets and now cancelling it?)

Day 11:

Back to work, which I think I completed in advance. (Oh wow, for the first time running ahead of the deadline.)

Day 12:

Writing this and trying to get her to receive my call!

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My brother being the only one who did not know what was to happen, and what never happened! (Saved, I guess from all the extra drama!)

My story: Of how I started writing!

A few years back, back in 2010-2011 around, I wasn’t this person that I am today. I was scared of everything, I was may be the most immature person you would have ever met, and may be, even the most depressed one. No one could tell then, not even my friends and family members. I had that talent in me, of hiding things, of hiding feelings. Come to think of it, I still have that talent, but I can safely say that I am not that person now, not anymore. I have moved out of that zone, for my own good.

It took me three years? Yes, I am that slow. I spent three years of my life crying and being helpless. I know you’d say, I should have known that no one is going to come and help me. I had to help myself. But I was lost then, and that’s what lost people do, they sulk. I am not saying my life stopped for those four years or so, it moved on very well. I went to school, I completed graduation, I did everything that most people my age did, but something was missing constantly.

I am sorry I am not going to mention what exactly happened, but I can mention three pointers,

A personal trauma relating family issues;

A social change,

And, being thrown into the ocean, when I did not know how to swim. (Metaphorically of course)

Anyways, my life moved on, yes it did, but I did not. I was in complete denial of what was happening. All at once.

Why did I not talk to anyone?

You think, I wouldn’t have? I did, but parents had raised a ‘strong woman’ who wouldn’t need her parents’ help every now and then, and my friend’s, well, they never seem to get me. Partying is more fun, I agree. It was not their fault. Whenever I would sit and want to talk to any one of them about my problems, it seemed they weren’t interested or at least they didn’t get me. And how would they, they weren’t in my position. Instead they felt that I kept repeating my problems, so I just stopped talking, stopped talking about my problems to them, and eventually I just stopped talking to them.

And then I lost all my friends too. I was in no way going to make new friends; I had lost faith in them.

I said them? Oh, sorry, I had lost faith in myself.

So that went on for about some time, and then I realised that my thoughts, my feelings were eating me. I couldn’t contain anything else inside of me now. I had to hold my fist tight, clench my jaws, breathe hard inside, to not to let out anything. And I could not let out anything, believe me, I just could not.

And even if I did, who would take that all in? Who would want to be surrounded by a depressed teen?

And that’s when I realised I had to do something, that’s when I borrowed comfort from a pen, loaned some security from the blank papers, fought for sanity from my own words, from my own feelings.

I am not saying it happened overnight, I am blatantly saying it might have taken me half my youth, but I did it. I came over it. I managed to conquer the harsh feelings my heart bore and I came out the person I am today, the Moushmi you all know.

That’s my story, that’s how I started writing, though blogging is what I started just a few months back. I would love to listen to your views, or better yet, how you started writing? What made you the writer you are today?

 

Know the blogger #5

  1. What are 3 things you want to accomplish before you die?

Become an author and to find one man, who isn’t like the ones that I have seen.

I’d be happy with that. Even if I just find him!

 

  1. What do you want to tell your 10-year-old self?

Stop wanting to grow up, it ain’t any good here.

 

  1. What’s the best thing you got from your parents?

The freedom to rise up, to voice up, to stand up for yourself.

They have given me the right that no one even in my distant family has.

 

  1. What’s the best thing about you?

You could tell me that. I’d be waiting for the answer on your comments below 😉

 

  1. What blows your mind?

You mean like really good way? When I see those dancers on television, they twist and turn so easily, like how the hell do you train your body like that?

 

You mean like angry way? When women in India have to think will she be “allowed” to do something?

 

  1. Have you ever saved someone’s life?

No.

But I did save someone from getting married too early, if that counts. She was a friend of mine and we both went together for our post-graduation.  Her dad wanted her to get married and wouldn’t let her study further. When I came in the scene, he did give it a thought and agree to “let her” go out of the town. She was happy after that, at least what I saw of it.

 

 

  1. What are you really good at but embarrassed to be good at?

If I am good at it, I am not going to be embarrassed about it.

 

  1. What would a mirror opposite of you look like?

A strong, beautiful adamant woman staring at her. Determined to conquer everything she wants.

I did a post sometimes back relating to it. (Challenge accepted.)

 

  1. What are 3 interesting facts about you?

I am not that interesting. But one thing is for sure, if that’s even interesting, if you meet me and talk to me once, you’d never understand me. You’d only think I am some confused, lost woman.

 

  1. Which of your scars has the best story behind it?

I could go on this for so long, let’s just say I try going past it.

 

  1. What’s the title of the current chapter in your life?

Harassed

 

  1. What were some of the biggest turning points in your life?

When I was 17.

 

  1. What’s the hardest lesson you’ve learned?

No one stands with you when you are in some problem. Your problems, you solve it.

 

  1. What do people think is weird about you?

Even my closes friends say, “I can’t understand her.”

 

  1. What mistake do you keep making?

Trusting people.

 

  1. What have you created that you’re most proud of?

I have a portrait of Lord Krishna and Radha in my room that I painted when I was in school, every one that visits my rooms seems to be thrilled by it. I don’t know if I am proud of it, it is just a paining after all but I like it too much.

 

  1. What do you doubt?

Don’t even let me start here, the list can go on. But as of now, I doubt myself sometimes.

 

  1. What are some of your morals?

I hate lying, but I do it just to keep someone smiling. I know I can be upfront and just blabber everything out but the drenched look on someone else’s face after that shatters me. So I do lie.

Not so much morally, right?

 

  1. What do you want to be remembered for?

Duh! For something, anything that I ever wrote. I’d be really happy if that ever happens.

 

  1. What do you regret not doing in your childhood years?

I don’t regret my childhood one bit!

 

  1. What is your favorite fragrance?

Jasminum sambac (Arabian jasmine)

Mogra flowers in Hindi.

It is a species of Jasmine.

 

 

  1. What do you think your last words will be?

I want it to be “OM”

 

  1. Who or what do you take for granted?

My mother.

 

  1. Why would you be annoying as a roommate?

I’d ask to have my roommate for that. She never pointed out anything.

But I guess, she’d say I used to go off to sleep when she used to blabber on late in the night, even when I’d tell her that I am tired.

Well, we used to laugh on it the next day and she would tell me her entire day’s story again in the morning over breakfast.

I do miss her a lot.

 

  1. What is something you’re insecure about?

My writing.

 

  1. What’s the best & worst piece of advice you’ve received?

My mother- “Do not care about people, they will judge you, they will point at you. So just ignore them.”

 

Someone I ignore- “You are a girl, what are you going to do with so much of education?”

It made me so furious that I just stopped talking to the person despite everything. And you know what, that person is not even some old guy from other generation. He was someone my age!

 

  1. What irrational fears do you have?

That I am going to end up marrying someone and regret it for the rest of my life. I have had dreams relating it and have woken up all sweaty, only to realise I am still single. (This is the only secret that I have never told anyone in my life) so ssshhhhhhh

  1. What makes a good life?

A happy life is a myth. We all will go through a lot in the course of our lives, I’d consider it a good life if I achieve some of my goals by then and if I make a satisfactory example for someone else too.

 

  1. What’s the last adventure you went on?

Really long, long ago. Just caught up in work these days.

But I did go on a trip which sure was fun.

 

  1. What is the most memorable gift you’ve received?

I don’t receive gifts often, I buy stuff for myself when and whatever I want. Why wait for anyone else to gift you something on some occasion. Honestly I don’t even wait for any occasion.

But on my last birthday my dad made me speechless by gifting me a pair of diamond earrings, the type of which I was searching for so long among the imitation category.

I will cherish them for my entire life.

And not to forget the recent flowing sets of books that I received last week for my birthday 😀

 

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I hope you enjoyed reading my answers.

Do let me know what you think about them.

If anyone would like to answer these questions too, please let me know. I will forward you the questions in your mail and would love to know how you would answer them.

The set made me thinking; may be you too would have a great time answering them.