My story: Of how I started writing!

A few years back, back in 2010-2011 around, I wasn’t this person that I am today. I was scared of everything, I was may be the most immature person you would have ever met, and may be, even the most depressed one. No one could tell then, not even my friends and family members. I had that talent in me, of hiding things, of hiding feelings. Come to think of it, I still have that talent, but I can safely say that I am not that person now, not anymore. I have moved out of that zone, for my own good.

It took me three years? Yes, I am that slow. I spent three years of my life crying and being helpless. I know you’d say, I should have known that no one is going to come and help me. I had to help myself. But I was lost then, and that’s what lost people do, they sulk. I am not saying my life stopped for those four years or so, it moved on very well. I went to school, I completed graduation, I did everything that most people my age did, but something was missing constantly.

I am sorry I am not going to mention what exactly happened, but I can mention three pointers,

A personal trauma relating family issues;

A social change,

And, being thrown into the ocean, when I did not know how to swim. (Metaphorically of course)

Anyways, my life moved on, yes it did, but I did not. I was in complete denial of what was happening. All at once.

Why did I not talk to anyone?

You think, I wouldn’t have? I did, but parents had raised a ‘strong woman’ who wouldn’t need her parents’ help every now and then, and my friend’s, well, they never seem to get me. Partying is more fun, I agree. It was not their fault. Whenever I would sit and want to talk to any one of them about my problems, it seemed they weren’t interested or at least they didn’t get me. And how would they, they weren’t in my position. Instead they felt that I kept repeating my problems, so I just stopped talking, stopped talking about my problems to them, and eventually I just stopped talking to them.

And then I lost all my friends too. I was in no way going to make new friends; I had lost faith in them.

I said them? Oh, sorry, I had lost faith in myself.

So that went on for about some time, and then I realised that my thoughts, my feelings were eating me. I couldn’t contain anything else inside of me now. I had to hold my fist tight, clench my jaws, breathe hard inside, to not to let out anything. And I could not let out anything, believe me, I just could not.

And even if I did, who would take that all in? Who would want to be surrounded by a depressed teen?

And that’s when I realised I had to do something, that’s when I borrowed comfort from a pen, loaned some security from the blank papers, fought for sanity from my own words, from my own feelings.

I am not saying it happened overnight, I am blatantly saying it might have taken me half my youth, but I did it. I came over it. I managed to conquer the harsh feelings my heart bore and I came out the person I am today, the Moushmi you all know.

That’s my story, that’s how I started writing, though blogging is what I started just a few months back. I would love to listen to your views, or better yet, how you started writing? What made you the writer you are today?

 

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81 thoughts on “My story: Of how I started writing!

  1. Even though I imagine the circumstances were different, my story is similar to yours. I was helpless and depressed for years ( but I didn’t go on with my life.) I experienced trauma, a social change, the loss of friends and an ocean I didn’t know how to swim in. I turned to writing for comfort and in an effort to cope. I can say that because of my writing I’m not the same person I was a year ago.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow this was so inspiring! My story is similar to this, except I didn’t carry on, I dropped out of college etc. I hope to be where you are one day, but still stuck in the depressive cycle! But I’m getting there. I’m writing, so that’s a start, right? Thanks for sharing you story. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks for reading it dear.
      I am glad you could relate. But I am also sorry that you are still in that phase. I hope you grow out of it soon.
      If at all I could be of any help, do let me know, even if I can talk with you and clear your mind!
      Thanks darling and take care.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. A very rough summer last year (and this summer is shaping up to be tough as well after a wonderful start) and heartbreak as well as a friend who encouraged me to write all were factors in my blogging. It’s not always easy to write what I am feeling or going through but I hope that it not only helps me but lets others know that they are not alone in what they are feeling as well. Great post.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Woahhhh! And you are finally doing what you wanted to. I can relate to you in how it took so long to get started. I had so much self doubt, and still have thinking how I will write something impressive in plethora of unique writers.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Sometimes in life we always need that drop or downfall that forms the base for us to rise to certain peaks. Sad you and many of us face these downfalls with more bruises than what we deserve. A very good piece that reflects how you had started your journey of healing with your writings. Hugs to you Moushmi!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Wow Moushmi i can so very well relate to your post. My story is same as yours the only difference is that this is my present situation. Writing is an escape for me from this depression and lonely phase of life.
    Hugs 💖

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you sweta for commenting here, and telling me that you feel this way.
      Writing and reading does help, but if ever you need to talk to anyone, I am there. Please feel free to contact me.
      I wouldn’t want anyone to feel the loneliness that I felt then.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. It take lot of courage and determination to overcome all personal trauma and pain and in that writing out and expressing it all helps a lot. It worked for you and most of the time it works for all of us.
    I am glad you dared to share it with all of us and this post will surely inspire many of them.
    I started writing much later in my life. It was discovery for me and it surely blessed me with immense peace and calmness.
    Wish you all the best and hope you enjoy writing all your life.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks vishal, writing sure helps, doesn’t it?
      And also for understanding that it does take a lot of courage to share this with everyone, and even to come out of that terrible zone.
      Thank you for everything 🙂

      Like

  8. Well, you’ve been through a lot. But I am glad to see the resilient Moushmi bounce back on track. So happy you took up writing and it helped you to flush out the emotions eroding your inner self. Continue on this path. Lots of love and luck in all your endeavors 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I always have thought of you as one who is much older than you obviously are! Your posts are thoughtful and full of insight. I think you have done a great job as a woman who is true to herself and hence to others. I’m so glad to know you. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Moushmi yr its amazing to read this post , i cant imagine what problem u faced but i found this post very positive 😍 like “everything will be good one day” and believe me its good u started writing and blogging …..and i just loved this 😍👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻

    Liked by 1 person

  11. A very honest piece of writing. So many are facing the same hopeless situation and they can not talk to anybody about it as you could not either. Life goes on and you have to move on but you seem only to crawl. It can take years to rewire yourself . Last time I felt similar I started to read classical literature, it contains so many messages from the past generations.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for stopping by and reading this.
      I agree, books and literature do have something hidden in them that we do not see at first. They did help me a lot, but what is sad is that people in problems have no one to talk to.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. How old are you Moushmi? You certainly sound more mature than any girl your age. I am happy that you conquered the difficult times in your life. I wish you all the luck to be more successful in life.
    As for me, blogging started almost under similar circumstances. I was fresh out of college, clueless about what to do with my life. Then this blog happened and it actually transformed me. I owe the new me to my blog. You know like normal people had facebook to showcase their fabulous life, I had my blog to write about my not-so-fabulous life. and the best part was people understood me, they got me like no one ever did. I have been off and on to blogging since the past five years and it has been a great journey. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I can relate with your feelings here, absolutely can.
      The ‘blogosphere’ as they call it has really been helpful and transforming. What more, if nothing people aren’t judgemental here.
      (A post that I did thanking everyone here, suits you too. “Why I love blogging”)
      As for my age, I am in mid twenties.

      Like

  13. Wow….that was inspiring…mine is not so inspiring…i used to write since i was a kid…first it was stories in exams…you know where you get option to write an essay on a topic or create a story…i would write a story…then it was on my notebooks and later diaries…never on internet though….I started this blog only because my brother and sister kept annoying me to start…Its not that I am not interested in writing..rather I am super duper Lazy….so here I am ..started writing 2 months back…regularly and I am enjoying every bit of it….met a lot of talented people….and read a lot of poems and stories…I am truly grateful for you all………btw…..thank you for sharing your story….it was truly inspiring.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Hmmm…I think many of the people have to go through this stage…especially in teens..even me.!! When god give me chance I want to erase my four teen years 14,15,16,17 from life..because that’s the worst period I had in my life.Like if something worst happened in life,I would compare with that four years and feel like better.kind of depression stage.Unable to cope up at that time.But what can we do,I think it reflects in my dreams.I always get dreams that I have missed ,which are meant to be happened much more better if I have taken some different decisions at that time.I am still finding the meaning of that four years.because when I see it back,I can see more bad things happen to me personally than good things.Hope that lessons will be useful in my life.I sometimes wonder,is that bad karma that’s hitting me back in my past life.because at that age we can’t do anything wrong which is of big size.Anyways now I am far better than that stage obviously.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am glad you are out of that phase,
      I don’t know if it’s karma or not, but it is what has happend in our lives.
      All we can do is learn from it and better our future.
      Good luck for that, hope things turn out in favour for you 🙂

      Like

  15. Sorry that you went through some bad times but happy you overcame your depression and discovered you have a natural talent to write!! I will say that it has been many times a comfort to me to look back at the worst times in my life and know if I made it through that, I can overcome anything!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. This is a blatantly honest blog and I love how you have expressed yourself 🙂 Writing is always a healthy refuge for writers and it cleanses the soul 🙂 Now you have a wonderful blog with wonderful readers and that is a priceless blessing your pen has bestowed you with 🙂 May you write more beautiful pieces and reach to great heights 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Hey ! You must be shattered to know that I had lived the miserable life as that of you lasting from mid 2015 to just a month before. I was a neophyte in the world of veterans. You could consider me the totally mentally damaged person but nobody can help you except you.
    At present moment my way of thinking has been changed. I am a calm and passive person now meanwhile I used to be a jubilant and enchanted before. Life is still flowing but I had acquitted the fear of loosing happiness and desire to achieve happiness on the verge of others😊😊

    Liked by 2 people

  18. In my personal experience, I have always toyed around with words, since childhood. Expression through writing, be it poetry or any sort of verses, have fascinated me. However, I was not born a professional writer, and I became better and better with occasional writing as I grew up. Being younger, I was not a voracious reader and did not have a wide vocabulary. However, I loved writing. Finally, I came across English Literature as my graduation degree, and it helped rise my personality and my writing style to a whole another level. Writing is my solace and well as my greatest strength today. I am glad Moushmi, that it created a new path for you and I thoroughly enjoyed reading your post.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Sukanya. I am so glad to have found you, that you liked my post, and the fact that writing is your strength.
      In a way I can relate with you, not being a reader as a child, but then English literature coming my way.
      Thank you so much for visiting and reading my post.

      Liked by 1 person

  19. I’m glad you can handdle that 👏 it is such an inspiring story. I myself feel that I am nobody once longtime ago before, now I think that everyone is special including myself. Everyone here or somewhere else is special and have talent. We just have to find it through our heart and journey of life.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree to you, it’s a journey and we cannot just stay at a place and mourn. We got to move on, but how, when, to where, is on each individual.
      Thank for sharing your story.
      And I believe each individual is special in his own way!

      Like

  20. Well… looking at the positive side of it…all these made you realize your talent!!! Writing works wonders to the mind!! When you are alone and no one patient enough to listen to you and trying to brush their hands off you to avoid getting ‘bored’ listening to a depressed you, then pen and paper come to the rescue!! They are the best friends!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah….finding a patient ear is so rare!! I know, even a little bit of patience just to hear few words completely without cutting you off!! …but even this is a big ask apparently….and when it’s the other way round, they would expect you to listen a you do it too as you know how it’s like to talk to someone when depressed….😞

        Liked by 1 person

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