Hidden Inspiration

It was 3 am in the morning; my room was eerily silent, disturbing all my thoughts. Could silence do that? The only sound that pierced my ears was of the crickets hiding somewhere outside my balcony. I wonder why I even keep it open all the time. But that’s the habit I have grown accustomed to, I keep it open no matter what, even my parents are tired of that habit now.

So anyways, I was seated at my study, glaring deep into the bright light of my laptop screen, my fingers hovering above the keyboard, just hovering and not clicking. I had been doing it for a long time now, writing and erasing, writing and erasing, and I had been nowhere. The paper was due the next day, and yet I had nothing!

Creative writing, huh? Too easy? Now I know what’s easy and what’s not!

I stood, walking away, may be a walk could solve my problems? Who was I kidding? At 3, I would be scared even I type faster than usual; I would be scared even if my phone vibrated, let alone ring. I just stepped away from my table, and paced inside of my room, poking the pencil onto my head, as if it was a magic wand. I paced faster trying to exert myself.

Wait what? By walking? Of course not so I started doing stretches, jumping, lying down on the cool floor, anything, and anything that my crazy sleepless mind could set at work.

I stood up and refilled my cup of coffee, took a sip from the cup and rubbed my hand on my face. I even slapped myself the ‘wake up slap’. I mean common I had to do something.

I read a couple of articles on the internet then, I also googled things which were not required instantly, and which might be helpful, I read newspapers, believe me not just yesterdays’, the whole weeks. I went back to my novel diverting myself completely.

And yet, nothing!

And that’s’ when I realised that it was next day, it was already 6 and I might have missed today’s newspaper. I rushed outside, got the morning newspaper from outside and scanned it entirely in a hurry. And yet, nothing!

And then I kept flicking all the newspapers and articles in front of me. It was then that, an article entitled “Feminism bleeds blue” caught me and after reading it for three to four times I asked myself, why am I even reading it again and again?

I already knew what I had to write, and how and when? Then why was I wasting my time? I had none to spare.

What I wrote was not anything related to that particular article, really nothing about cricket, nothing about feminism, but something related to women. And as soon as I booted my computer again, opened the word file, words just came flowing by. And I was as stunned myself. Where were they hiding all night?

In no time I completed the paper and as soon as I hit send, I gathered that had my mind worked a little faster I wouldn’t have to be troubled the entire night. But no, it was waiting for some signal, I guess.

Being possessive

“I may seem sweet and nice but if you borrow my book and forget to return it, I will break a level of crazy that will make your nightmare seem like a happy place.”

 

Nothing that I wrote, but seems apt though.

 

It’s only sad that my friend who took my book would not read this. 😂😇

A tragicomedy: a play in 12 days.

“To (be able to) laugh at our misery is the only way we have found of coming to terms with it.”

 

Day 1:

Hey, so when are you planning to come?

What for?

Dude, I am getting engaged! We are having a grand party here. You have to be here. Don’t give me any reasons.

I know and I will be there, just send me the dates, and I’ll let you know how can I arrange things. I wouldn’t want to miss it for anything.

Day 2:

I will reach right before the day of your engagement. This is all I could do in such short notice. My work is all jammed up and any day before that would be really difficult. (And expensive)

Okay, no problem! All that matters is you’d be here on that day. You are my only girl, babe!

Day 3:

Since I am going so far I might as well visit my brother. He has just gone to this new city, and a surprise wouldn’t harm anyone. I think he’d be glad.

Day 4:

The stay extends up to a week long, making me return after Raksha Bandhan. What best gift for my brother than a surprise visit on this day?

Day 5:

Buying of gifts for this pretty “bride to be” and my brother.

Day 6:

Trying to finish all the work, literally all the work that could not wait for a week, and also everything that couldn’t be done by anyone else instead of me! And believe me the list went on.

Day 7:

A little bit of shopping for myself.  I wouldn’t want to look like someone not invited to that grand celebration of that lovely couple.

Day 8:

The rain persists.

Day 9:

Doubt of plans.

Day 10:

I am sorry darling; I don’t think I can make it on time. There is water everywhere. The streets are flooded, roads are jammed, there is barely any movement. The officials have warned everyone around not to get out of the house unless very urgent. The airport is almost submerged, and even if the flight takes off there are pretty chances that they’d land me on some other city altogether, if the situation worsens. I don’t think I can manage so much hassle now. It is really difficult to travel so far now.

Why do you stay so far?

I know, I understand but this is clearly not in my hands, it is an act of god. (Pleading my case as if in a court.)

I don’t know you have to be here. You always have reasons.

When have I last made a reason?

I don’t know, you have to be here.

I wish I knew how to swim, I would then surely be there. (I risked a joke.)

Okay, you don’t want to come, don’t come then, even I won’t attend your engagement.

Seriously, I wish I could come; it’s really not in my hands. After such disastrous delayed flights even my parents wouldn’t want me to travel. I am sending you the picture of airport, tell me if you still want me to come.

IMG_1639IMG_1638

Okay, I got to go now; I am getting a call from ‘him’.

Okay, take care babe; I am really sorry that I am not able to come. (Oh God, what about the money that I wasted on booking tickets and now cancelling it?)

Day 11:

Back to work, which I think I completed in advance. (Oh wow, for the first time running ahead of the deadline.)

Day 12:

Writing this and trying to get her to receive my call!

*

My brother being the only one who did not know what was to happen, and what never happened! (Saved, I guess from all the extra drama!)

The cute little boy.

I am the kind of person that never likes to do things alone, I mean I am not saying I will not do it if necessary but I would like some company, if there can be. For instance, if there is a new place in town and I want to try it, I would want to go with someone and not just go alone, eat and come back home. But most of the time what happens is the people you want to go out with are busy when you are free and vice versa, especially when some of them have jobs that really stick them up.

Anyways, so about not hanging around alone; I don’t like that. I mean I have gone to places, sat and ate alone, gone to a café, and had a cup of good coffee alone too, but a given a chance, I’d like the scenario where I would go out with someone, have a cup of coffee/ eat/ drink and have a good conversation, discuss future plans, talk about the funny past.

These last few days after my recent travels have been very stressful, a lot of work but then to de-stress myself, I thought I’ll call up my friend and we’d catch up. But to my sheer luck, she’d say 5:00 and I’d say 7:00 or she’d say ‘Thursday’ and I’d say ‘Saturday’. In short there was no way we could meet up now. And apart from this friend, I really do not have many people here in this town right now, that I’d like to hang out with.

So, in the late evening, I headed out to an amazing ice cream parlour here. I sat at a corner stool, ordered a ‘Naughty Nutella’ and waited impatiently. Just then I saw a small kid sit at the opposite table, along with his, what I assumed, father. Immediately, his father stood up remembering perhaps, that he should order first and then sit at leisure. His son followed too running behind him, and when we he stood beside him, the kid, panting, said, “Oh, I got tired.”

I just couldn’t help myself. I started laughing, looking at the cute little, chubby child who was tired at running about 5 to 7 steps. I immediately recovered when my ice cream was brought towards me, and inside I was screaming at myself for laughing so absurdly. I tried to just vanish away, looking almost deep down into my ice cream bowl.

“What if there was a problem with a child, and I was being insensitive?”

It must have been not more than 10 seconds when these thoughts raced in my mind, and just when I dared to look up, his father too was laughing at this ‘cutest’ child.

“Oh, really? You tired after walking 5 steps, you lazy man?”

He gave me a nod of smile, and the child too smiled embarrassingly at me. He waved at me when he was moving to his table, and just like that I was relieved, pleased to know I hadn’t damaged anything, or anyone’s feelings.

Just then, I thought, it wasn’t that bad after all to go alone and have that chocolate ice cream.

Still, given an option I’d like to drag that busy friend of mine along.

 

Modern Aunts!

Ever wondered, why people are the way they are?

Why do they behave in the manner they do?

Being selfish is important in this world, I think that is very much common to here now, but how far can one go, and even when at someone else’s cost.

Telling someone off, but isn’t it necessary to peep inside your own soul first rather than criticising someone else.

*

All these questions bother my mind now because of a friend. She called me up to relieve herself from all that she had gone through in the last hour when she was with her friends and families.

“Why are you so upset?”

The answer is always an aunt in our case, an Indian aunt who is always bothered and interested in someone else’s business.

So here my friend was coolly being the host at her place, celebrating her parents’ marriage anniversary, when this modern, beautiful, charismatic, wealthy aunt comes and flaunts literally everything, from her shoes to the gifts that she brought.

Okay, I know we all must have had such aunts! I do too.

Then came the general small talks, what came next was what my friend was not prepared for.

“So when do you think your daughter should marry? I have a guy in my mind.” There is always a guy in these aunts’ mind.

“I am still studying. I am doing my post-graduation now. I want to work after this.”

“Oh no, I think post-graduation is enough. After that you have to marry.”

All this while her parents just glorying beside her.

The aunt was still not satisfied, “Even this is too much. I think parents should start finding prospective husbands for their daughters when they are about to complete their graduation. That is the exact time, I guess.”

“Yeah you guess!!! Then I hope the next year you are planning to find a perfect husband for your daughter too. Isn’t she completing her graduation then?” screaming in rage my friend forgot that she was the host.

And of course she got a big eye gaze from her parents, and the disgusted look from that aunt, but nothing else mattered. Her mood was spoilt, and so was that aunt’s. Well, post the celebration, she also got a good one from her dad, but what was she to do? Listen to other’s beliefs and commands?

Is it not on her and her parents as to how much to study, where to work, when to marry? As it is it is difficult to convince parents for education and working before marriage; don’t even let me start on post marriage scenarios. And here, these aunts!!

Like literally, how many of them are there?

And you know what that aunt replied to her parents? “No, my daughter is going to study after her graduation; I am in no hurry to marry her off. It’s her life; she’ll see what to do. She is different.”

As if my friend’s life is not hers.

What gave her the right to do so?

*

All I can say is my friend could have kept the temper and replaced it with sarcasm; apart from that I am with her. And I don’t care about speaking up to elders or disrespecting a guest if such was the case.

*

And for the record, her parents are considering their decision to ‘allow’ her to pursue her higher studies.

So cheers to these ‘modern aunts’.

The need for a bedside table!

I lie on the bed with the lights dimmed already, with the temperature of the room set accordingly, and with the novel in my hand, ready to be lost into. In order to avoid any kind of disturbance I put my phone away, on the study table at the far corner (I don’t need it anyway plus it helps me wake up in the morning if it is far away). All set for the perfect ‘alone time’ I start reading the book.

A page or two goes by and then I have something in my mind; a topic on which I feel should write and share it with my fellow bloggers. So I lazily stand up, scribble on a post it and stick it on the wall to remember the next day. So there I slump again on the bed, cuddle against a cold sheets, soothing and yet again I loose myself amidst the fictional world.

This time not even a paragraph goes by when I remember something from the day and again, unwilling I get up, post-it on the wall and return, this time making it sure I would not get up before I complete ten pages.

And so I wait for the ten pages to be done, and hastily get up before I forget to jot it down, and there goes another post it on the wall. This is how my wall is always clustered with post-it for to do lists, for something to share with my blogger friends, and even something that I have to let other people know.

This goes on for a while, until I am tired enough to get up again, after which I unwillingly take my phone with me, so that I at least do not have to get up. After another couple of reminders set on my phone, finally I decide to doze off. It is after all 1:00 AM.

Of course my mind is unwilling to shut down and so I aid to my ear phones, leaving behind my comfy bed, one last time. Somehow amidst the dreams of the story going on in the novel, with the lyrics of the songs and with many other unfiltered thoughts in my mind I doze off, finally.

And that is how my mother finds me often, early in the morning, with music flowing through the earphones and yet scattered somewhere under the pillow, with my phone snoozed off and hidden somewhere between the sheets, and the novel that I would be reading tucked beside me. And every single morning she would wake me with same monotonous say, “Why do you have to sleep with all of these things? Why can’t you just keep them all away on the table?”

And every single time I would say, “I just need a bedside table, mom. It would solve all my lazy problems. You don’t know the struggle of waking up once you are tucked into bed, restfully.”

“Yeah, right! But why do you have to get up in the middle of the night anyway?

Atithi tum kab jaoge?

If you are tired of your work, if you really need a break, what do you do? Most certainly, I would go off on a vacation and not barge into someone’s place uninvited, unwelcome. I also thought that most people would do the same until recently when I came across a person who was willing to break into anyone’s apartment rather than hers.

We had the terrible month of the year, with a wedding just done with in the family, with renovation in the house going on, with my brother’s college going, with my exams; in short every one of us in the family was deep submerged into work.  And on top of it all we had a distant relative coming over. This relative of us has never been that close, we have never visited each other; in fact we don’t even see each other unless there is an occasion. So she called us one fine day to ask if it was okay for her to come over and stay with us for a while? What were we to say? No? of course not! That would have been just rude and mean, but a yes was an added trouble at that time.

So with a diplomatic answer my parents hung up the phone, hoping she got the hint. With no door bells for the couple of days we thought she did get the hint, but then the third day brought her in with her two daughters just when we were having our lunch.

What is it a hotel? No!! We live in our house and we don’t expect uninvited people all the time. So how are we to feed them? Of course the men don’t realise this.

“Come, come, eat with us.” Said my dad.

But what do we serve them? I was to eat out so there was food for the only three of them. Any how my mother managed to prepare food for all. And she also made separate food for her 6 month old daughter.

Food was not the problem. It was her distance from us. We barely meet and talk, and now she was at our place, and we were lost with what to do with her and her two daughters. Her 6 month old was still fine to be with, but her elder daughter 6 years old, she was a child I have never seen. She would not sit still for a moment, and I can safely say that there is a fine line between being a child and a manner less one. Believe me; you wouldn’t have seen such a kid. I lost all my control when she tore two of my prepared answers to which I had no other copy of and still her mother did not say a word. I lost all control and yet all I could do was ask her politely to take that child away! What was I to do?

I knew kids are not my cup of tea, but I also am always capable of handling them well. At least manage to. But she was out of my imagination. All I wanted was to ask her to leave but of course that was out of the question.

And so this whole inconvenience went on for the next week. Our home was just a weird place to live in even for us. When she lived with us, we realised that she had guests at her own place and she was just tired of all the work and needed a break herself.

I don’t know how relieved she must have been living with us and having very little in common with us, but for us it was very bizarre. And all the while we just hoped when she would leave and we could get rid of fake smiles, unintended politeness, and all the formality.

We were in a situation of-

“Atithi tum  kab jaoge?”

 

Coffee, coffee it is!

So, I woke up with literally no work for my day. I thought it had to be one of the stay in days when I could be lazy as much as I wanted to. I don’t know what got into me that I decided I’ll have some iced tea to beat the heat. My first mistake. I mean why would I even think that? Coffee is the ultimate answer, then why even bother?

As if that didn’t satisfy me to spoil the morning that I wanted to give it a twist, a watermelon ice tea! I have tried this drink a lot many times, at stores and even at home. I have even made it myself but then if you want to beat it over coffee then it is going to fail you.

I made it as I used to always, but one sip and I could tell that adding watermelon was my second mistake.

One thing I guess everyone hates is their morning being ruined specially the one where you don’t have any work; it’s your basically off day at work.

And then I left it. I just could not drink it.

After I read all the newspapers scattered on my tea table, it was time to do something. And what else could it be than making me a warm cup of coffee. Summers or winters, I know I can’t stay without coffee!

Thankfully the cup of coffee didn’t betray me.

Hope you have a wonderful start to the week!

Questions, Questions!

  • When exactly is someone ready?
  • Is head over heels really a thing?
  • Just how many before the one?
  • How do you know it’s him?
  • What if you think you are done with all the hassle but one last try could give you what you wanted all along?
  • what if you try, and fail all over again?
  • can we not learn after the first heart break?
  • how do even sometimes explain what you think, what you have in mind?
  • how do even words justify to your feelings?
  • Just how?

You might not have the answer to them, but Just have a good laugh over my continuous unending ramblings.

Have a good day. 🙂

 

Tug of war

They bundled me up, separated me from all my other friends and tied up a knot on me. I was suffocated. Hadn’t they ever heard of claustrophobia? I wanted to breathe, to smell the ‘exotic Indian air’, to cherish the gone moments, to smile through the troubles but they wouldn’t just leave me alone. The weather seemed to be pleasant, I could sway with it, could feel the wind on my face, but only if they would untie me.

One of them held me by my hands, the other grabbed my wavering legs, and my stomach ached with the knot getting tighter and tighter. Couldn’t they apprehend that I was losing my shape? What would become of me? I would lose my colour and my shape. I wouldn’t want to lose myself but they just don’t understand me. When will they?

They are just relishing their game of tug of war. How can they get pleasure out of this, by disquieting me? How? I just don’t want to be torn into two smithereens, misplacing my individuality.