Just like her.

People usually have role-model, whose footsteps they wish to follow, like whom they want to become one day, on whom they write essay in school stating why they want to become like them, why according to them they are so perfect.

I for one never had a role model. I am sorry but I never did. Instead all throughout I knew that there was one person that I would try and avoid being. Why? How? Please don’t ask but I know that I never wanted to end up like her, nor do I want to now.

And so began the quest of not being like her. But then how much can a person change herself? The more I try not being like her, the more I find that I am the exact replica of her, the good, and the bad everything has been inherited from her. I am just the spitting image that I thought I never would be.

And then again the struggle starts of not being like her. But how long can this go? And what about not changing yourself? But then what about not being like her?

The need for a bedside table!

I lie on the bed with the lights dimmed already, with the temperature of the room set accordingly, and with the novel in my hand, ready to be lost into. In order to avoid any kind of disturbance I put my phone away, on the study table at the far corner (I don’t need it anyway plus it helps me wake up in the morning if it is far away). All set for the perfect ‘alone time’ I start reading the book.

A page or two goes by and then I have something in my mind; a topic on which I feel should write and share it with my fellow bloggers. So I lazily stand up, scribble on a post it and stick it on the wall to remember the next day. So there I slump again on the bed, cuddle against a cold sheets, soothing and yet again I loose myself amidst the fictional world.

This time not even a paragraph goes by when I remember something from the day and again, unwilling I get up, post-it on the wall and return, this time making it sure I would not get up before I complete ten pages.

And so I wait for the ten pages to be done, and hastily get up before I forget to jot it down, and there goes another post it on the wall. This is how my wall is always clustered with post-it for to do lists, for something to share with my blogger friends, and even something that I have to let other people know.

This goes on for a while, until I am tired enough to get up again, after which I unwillingly take my phone with me, so that I at least do not have to get up. After another couple of reminders set on my phone, finally I decide to doze off. It is after all 1:00 AM.

Of course my mind is unwilling to shut down and so I aid to my ear phones, leaving behind my comfy bed, one last time. Somehow amidst the dreams of the story going on in the novel, with the lyrics of the songs and with many other unfiltered thoughts in my mind I doze off, finally.

And that is how my mother finds me often, early in the morning, with music flowing through the earphones and yet scattered somewhere under the pillow, with my phone snoozed off and hidden somewhere between the sheets, and the novel that I would be reading tucked beside me. And every single morning she would wake me with same monotonous say, “Why do you have to sleep with all of these things? Why can’t you just keep them all away on the table?”

And every single time I would say, “I just need a bedside table, mom. It would solve all my lazy problems. You don’t know the struggle of waking up once you are tucked into bed, restfully.”

“Yeah, right! But why do you have to get up in the middle of the night anyway?

Atithi tum kab jaoge?

If you are tired of your work, if you really need a break, what do you do? Most certainly, I would go off on a vacation and not barge into someone’s place uninvited, unwelcome. I also thought that most people would do the same until recently when I came across a person who was willing to break into anyone’s apartment rather than hers.

We had the terrible month of the year, with a wedding just done with in the family, with renovation in the house going on, with my brother’s college going, with my exams; in short every one of us in the family was deep submerged into work.  And on top of it all we had a distant relative coming over. This relative of us has never been that close, we have never visited each other; in fact we don’t even see each other unless there is an occasion. So she called us one fine day to ask if it was okay for her to come over and stay with us for a while? What were we to say? No? of course not! That would have been just rude and mean, but a yes was an added trouble at that time.

So with a diplomatic answer my parents hung up the phone, hoping she got the hint. With no door bells for the couple of days we thought she did get the hint, but then the third day brought her in with her two daughters just when we were having our lunch.

What is it a hotel? No!! We live in our house and we don’t expect uninvited people all the time. So how are we to feed them? Of course the men don’t realise this.

“Come, come, eat with us.” Said my dad.

But what do we serve them? I was to eat out so there was food for the only three of them. Any how my mother managed to prepare food for all. And she also made separate food for her 6 month old daughter.

Food was not the problem. It was her distance from us. We barely meet and talk, and now she was at our place, and we were lost with what to do with her and her two daughters. Her 6 month old was still fine to be with, but her elder daughter 6 years old, she was a child I have never seen. She would not sit still for a moment, and I can safely say that there is a fine line between being a child and a manner less one. Believe me; you wouldn’t have seen such a kid. I lost all my control when she tore two of my prepared answers to which I had no other copy of and still her mother did not say a word. I lost all control and yet all I could do was ask her politely to take that child away! What was I to do?

I knew kids are not my cup of tea, but I also am always capable of handling them well. At least manage to. But she was out of my imagination. All I wanted was to ask her to leave but of course that was out of the question.

And so this whole inconvenience went on for the next week. Our home was just a weird place to live in even for us. When she lived with us, we realised that she had guests at her own place and she was just tired of all the work and needed a break herself.

I don’t know how relieved she must have been living with us and having very little in common with us, but for us it was very bizarre. And all the while we just hoped when she would leave and we could get rid of fake smiles, unintended politeness, and all the formality.

We were in a situation of-

“Atithi tum  kab jaoge?”

 

High Heels

 

Click clock, click clock I was walking on my extremely high block heels. Not a fan of them but it’s a big plus when you have to dance with a partner who is considerably tall. As always late, I was almost running in them when my foot bended sideways and I just stumbled and gained back my posture just in time, not to fall. I had a big laugh on my stupidity, I am not a perfectionist in walking them, let alone run. What was I thinking? But then I was not the only one who was laughing at me. There was a bunch of ‘boys’ who were enjoying my fall too.

I didn’t care. They were just boys I did not know, I did not care for and who clearly weren’t worth giving a thought. I might not have given them another thought too, hadn’t they passed a comment on me.

“What does she think of herself, is she some model or something trying to flaunt her in dresses and heels and glasses? Is she trying to impress us?” (This is just a sophisticated version of what they might have said) I mean who are they? Why would I have the need to impress some random boys standing and laughing and showing the least courtesy? I was just in a hurry for something clearly way important than what they were doing, smoking.

I was in full fury when I walked towards them despite the shortage of time when my partner came towards me and stopped me from doing or saying anything. I didn’t even know what I was going to say or do to them but I was just walking when I was literally carried away from there.

I was about to run away as soon as put down but then the time did not permit me to do so and we rushed to the stage for the performance. It went all good, we danced and we were applauded, and we left the stage. I was all calm by then but then there he was, my partner leaving the stage with me, hand in hand, escorting me out. He knew very well, I just danced in them I could manage walking out too but it was his way of showing that he cared. That he was different from the boys who just laughed at my slip.

I might not have given this small incident a lot of thought, but then the two contradictory actions made me think. There are always two sides to something. There may be a bunch of men who do not know how to behave, but there are men who do know a lot apart from riding, stunting and trying to impress women.

 

The alluring Caves

I am reading ‘Passage to India’ by E.M. Forster; well I am only halfway through it and reading it for an assignment. But I have to say it is a deep book that can make anyone think. Okay, I am not doing a book review here so I better get to the point. The point is the caves. Well, as the book says the Marabar Caves are identical and in circular shapes, exactly alike, but they are intense and beautiful. Which reminds me of the caves that the book just compares to Marabar caves, ‘The Elephanta Caves’.

I visited them two years ago and the Facebook just reminded me today with the memories that the social platform cherish. Well they are wonderful, showcasing the idols of Shiva and Parwati. The thing is I had no idea what the caves had in them and what it is to see there until I had actually reached. It was just a boring day in Mumbai when my friends decided to visit the place and honestly, I would have regretted having missed it.

It was a long and arduous journey through local trains, a ferry and then walking for miles but it was all worth it. It was a simple, old, silent place with tourists pouring in and out, but it had an aesthetic quality to it. And we were all awe struck with literally everything there, except the monkeys eating away all our food, snatching away from our hands. I now remember my phone being almost snatched away by one of them, thankfully I had saved it.

Any ways it was an exceptional visit and I got to know the history behind the alluring caves. It’s strange how sometimes we have all the history attached to a simple place. I had remained stunned to see the picture perfect idols of Shiva and Parwati. And despite the years the place still holds it quality. The place is old, very old for all I know but given a chance I would still like to visit it again. It was peaceful. The summer heat had not mattered when the place gave us its own cool shade. I had simply loved it.

I attach a couple of pictures here but I warn they aren’t the best and there is no picture of the inside of caves due to the lack of light.

PS: I will just add a couple of more pictures from internet so that you can see how the place actually looks from inside, in case you haven’t had the chance to visit them.

So of course  the journey stars with Gateway of India

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Yes, you get a toy train if you do not want to walk much.

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The beautiful lake you can see from there. Sadly we can only see it in sun as the place shuts at 5 in the evening, or at least it did when we were there.

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Another Nature picture, (I am just obsessed)

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I say history as there are old weapons too.

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And now some random pictures, some of which are taken from Internet for clearer perspective.

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I hope you enjoyed reading this.

Much love.

The Romantic Sun

The sun was almost down with crimson hue in it. It was half hiding behind the tall hill and half smiling at me. It was the time of dusk and yet it was bright and shiny. It wasn’t blinding me rather giving me a lovely look, assuring me that he would be back tomorrow. He will be and I can trust him. I know that. He goes with a promise and comes back with a promise of a beautiful day, a lovely start, a new beginning. Where, if we cannot erase our past at least we can correct them. It brings us hope.

I stare into the eyes of sun as if falling in love with him, I cannot see anything but his glaring eyes. I know he is too powerful, he can have it over anyone, he has the charm, I know! His charisma blows my mind and all I can think of is his coming again. He cannot be long gone. I will miss him. He is almost behind the hill, almost gone and yet I stay to look at his last rays, savour every last glimpse of him.

I can still picture him with my closed eyes and I know he will be back soon. Just as I open my eyes I see no evidence of his ever being there. Rather I see a half moon on the sky now, stark white and I know that it’s time to finally bid adieu. It’s the time of all the romantics. They will come and cherish the moon and sing songs for the beloved and look at the stars and will make promises to each other. Yes it’s good all the same.

I know moon is always connoted with the romantic notion but what about sun? Isn’t it beautiful too? It has its own unique charm and I love it. I love the romantic sun.

No network, No technology!

A few months back, I was at a wedding event in a resort far away from the city, it seemed to be exactly midst a forest (I am just exaggerating it) but then I was using a particular network that had no coverage there. Result? I could make no phone calls, no texts and social networking was out of the option. The resort had its WIFI of course, but then I was not staying there I was just involved in that wedding and was staying at a different guest house with bare minimum facilities.

My entire day was clogged with work and I had very less time for myself but then even to coordinate with your co-workers I needed to talk to them, the walkie-talkie had a limit to its coverage too and the moment I exceeded it I could hear no one. It hampered my work, yes it did but then I got to see the plus side too.

Network keeps us connected, it is handy and very useful… yes I know that. But then isn’t it bothering all the time? Someone calls and you have to be there to pick up otherwise you are rude, someone texts and you have to reply otherwise you are avoiding them. With no working phone around all I concentrated on was my work and was at peace for the entire time. Well, if someone needed me then they could say it over the walkie and if I was unreachable then I was relieved of the work, a benefit of course to avoid the overload which you are not even meant to do.

I got to know that day how much we are dependent on these technologies, we have to talk we need a phone, we want pictures we need a phone, we want to know the time we need a phone, we want to know the distance between the resort and the guest house we need the phone! Of course we need the network too, otherwise what use is the phone of?

I still enjoyed it. It was a weird relief to shun away from the constant use of the mandatory expertise. I had to stay there for two days and for the entire two days I had the opportunity to be with myself.

All I had to keep in mind was that the end of the day I made sure to give a call to my parents and tell them I was okay and I would call them as soon as I got to my place.

Would you prefer the time with yourself and even think of ostracizing your phone?

Deafening myself

I slammed my bedroom door with a thud deafening myself to the conversation going outside in the living room. I switch on the television and turn up the volume to make others believe that I am occupied. Putting off the lights of my bedroom I subside to a calmer corner, the gallery in my room. I callously throw a bean bag to a corner, slump on it and yet again make myself oblivious to the loud television.

The only thing that boosts my energy is the soothing wind blowing after the tormenting rain and thunder. Everything seems calm now, hiding the gone pandemics. What’s gone is gone, why bother oneself with it?

There in the dark corner of the patio with shadows of light from my room and a little disturbing noise from the television, I sat motionless, closed my eyes, sighed heavily and went on to plan my next day. I didn’t even realise when I drifted into sleep, when it was already the next day, the scorching sun was shining on my teary face and the bean bag was desperately waiting to be released of my heavy weight.

Another social gathering

I think I am having too many social gathering these days. Anyways, I was there sitting among-st my peeps, all dressed up and engrossed in what was going on around. Well, it was a ‘jagran’ (where you are awake all night and sing spiritual songs/bhajan).

I for a fact like these occasions, it is an absolute change from all of your arduousness. So there I was sitting beside my cousin almost singing to the rhythms when something caught my attention. And how I perceive is something like this.

Haven’t the present generation heard a lot about being anti-socializing in the form of socializing and even about being too much on their phones and over the net? But there are exceptions. So this might not be wrong. It’s true that we are drifting away from socializing in the form of socializing but the reality also has it other side. In my gathering there were very few people from present generation and anyways this is not about them. What I saw was that the older and the dear ones were busy engrossed on their cell-phones. Though some of them were obviously wholly-devoted but some of them were more interested in ‘sharing’ what they were seeing. I saw people over whatsapp chatting, someone sharing a video to the other who could not be present, snapchat was also to be seen, oh and yes I literally saw a check in for this too on my feed post. So is it only the present generation that is all caught up in ‘seizing the moment?’

It is good to capture something but what about also trying to at least live the moment too. We all click pictures and take videos but what about staying in the present too?

They say that the present generation is not that ‘religious’, I say “may be not” but what about pretending to be too religious and being present physically while the mind wanders to a distant land where some altogether another dream is coming true. For me nothing is wrong in that too but then why criticize when someone else does it and try make it right for yourself.

Anyways it was fun for a change to see the reverse.