Always!

It happens with me always, I plan do something and end up doing something else completely. I will go shopping, intending to buy may be a denim and will return with a cute little floral dress which I might have loved hanging somewhere in some random shop.

Today, being a relaxed Sunday I was up to do some searches needed for my papers and nothing more. The google search started really well on the Romantic age but soon I digressed and ended up bumping into this short poem on the internet. I thought it made a simple but yet a lovely read.

Look for yourself-

always.jpg

First Impression.

First impression is the last impression.

How far do you agree to this?

As for my case, I don’t agree to it, absolutely not. If this were true then most probably every person I met would consider me to be- arrogant or shy or a fool or a person with a lot of attitude or better yet, all of the above.

The Talk of Safety!

Let’s talk a bit about safety. Shall we?

(Warning, I am going to digress from the topic, totally!!)

So today I was almost done with all my work and was about to return home early when my friend called and asked me to meet her at a coffee shop near her place. I thought why not? It was early as it is and didn’t have much to do either. So I went there, had a cup of coffee, we talked and in some time I decided to leave. It wasn’t late but I just wanted to reach home before it started raining. We were sitting in the garden and I could see clouds getting darker with the time.

Just when I was leaving she reminded me to wear the helmet. Of course I forgot. How could I remember that? I just do not like wearing helmets, I feel as if I have overburdened my tiny head. So I wore my helmet and rode towards my home. It was just a fifteen minute ride.

After just two minutes I felt the strap choking my neck, it was too tight. I loosened it with one hand and rode on. After another two minutes it felt too loose so I stopped and tucked it tight again. I’d better choke than let it loose and keep the helmet coming down to my face. I don’t think there is any helmet made for my size of the head, or for a woman. They are all either too loose or too big! (Smaller ones and the perfect ones are really rare.)

I rode on for five more minutes in full speed, the roads were not too packed, and now I was in a hurry too. My phone was constantly ringing and I knew it was my mom. I hadn’t informed her that I’d be late.

Riding peacefully at a consistent speed, I was really enjoying the beauty on the roads. The part of city which I was leaving is really beautiful with trees on both sides shading the road.

I was about to reach the main road when I noticed two boys riding behind me in a bike, they were almost shouting and I could hear their voices, but could not make out what were they talking about. I wasn’t interested either. Only up till the point when I realised they were following me.

My initial instinct was to ride faster, so I took up the speed. I reached to main road circle and however hard I tried I had to slow down with the evening rush. They had taken all the same turns up till now, and I was hoping against all odds that they would divert ways now. This was the turning point; if they wouldn’t take another turn here then I would be sure that they were after all following me.

I gave no indicators, ignoring the traffic rule, and pretended to go straight. And then just when there was no other way to go, I took a sharp right turn and moved inside the area, switching off from the main road. They had pretended to go straight too but had followed my vehicle taking a right turn against the rules.

I was sure. They were following me after all.

images.jpg

Speeding up wasn’t helpful, so I slowed down, hoping that they’d go away. That particular street was still busy; once I’d go inside the residential area I knew the streets would be would be isolated.

They slowed down too behind me.

I was frustrated, angry, scared all at the same time.

I moved on taking another right turn, taking me inside to the residential area. They came too close to my bike and I am pretty sure my face would have given away my inner feelings. What was I feeling? I was shit scared!

The next time they brought their bike beside me, I loosened my helmet and kept it handy on my left side, the side on which they kept nearing. By this time I had already moved past my home. I couldn’t let them know my residence. What if?

I was already way away, and the streets were getting isolated, and the sky was giving me signals that soon it would rain. It was almost dark now!
I had no option now. I did not know what to do? Where to go? My hands were shivering and making it difficult to ride. My palms were sweaty and tears were almost on their verge of flowing down.

I blinked hard. This was not the time to go weak.

“Shut up and think!”

With again an impulse decision, I slowed down my bike to almost 20kmph and pretended to take out my phone. This time I was the one shouting on the phone declaring my whereabouts to the constantly vibrating phone.

Just when I slowed down further, the main door of the house on the left opened and a man came out. I did not stop but I slowed down to a speed of 10, barely moving further. Of course if the boys behind me slowed down with me that would look fishy. So they maintained enough speed to go ahead of me.

Finally I breathed a sigh of relief. Just when they were at the end of the road, I gave my right indicator on making them feel that I would turn that way.

They turned right. Mission successful!!

I never drive past speed limit, of course I always follow the safety rules, but this was an exceptional case. Just when they noticed me taking up speed, they went further right, one boy constantly glaring behind, to keep track of my bike.

I took a sharp left turn, fortunately avoiding a Harley and increased my speed even further. They took a u turn too but very fortuitously a car came following from just where I took a turn making it difficult for them to follow me. But they still were after me, but thankfully very far away, almost at the far end of the road.

I took continuous three sharp lefts making it a circle to my home. But before I stopped I saw the reflecting mirror that they were not there, they had missed me. I zoomed the bike to the parking space, locked it and rushed to the elevator, the helmet still in my hand.

I was only relieved when I reached the inside of my house, still shivering.

“What happened?” my mom was all worked up just by my looks.

I broke safety laws.

“You never do that. What did you do?”

I broke three laws, mom. Not one. First, I did not give indicators, and when I gave I gave the wrong one. Second, I over sped. And third, I did not wear helmet.

“But you are carrying your helmet in your hand.”

Yes, mom. I just did not wear it.

“So did the police charge you?”

No, I saved myself.

That one thing.

Ever felt the importance of something- which is clearly not as important anyway! Still you feel like it is the most important thing in our life, the only thing that is going to be good, to be okay for you and you cling onto it so bad. You just can’t let go, not because you don’t want to but simply because you can’t. That one thing that you may have done right; that makes you forget almost all other wrongs. Is it not then that you realise that there is nothing much in your life, except for that one thing? What if even that goes away? Then I might be left with simply nothing!

I thing I am just rambling anyway, I should stop my babble right away.

Have a good day,

Much love.

 

Another foolish act!

So yesterday I was rambling about how I am an ultimate fool just for forgetting something, but today there is a new realisation about me. The fact that I am a fool doesn’t change but the reason does. Today I seem to be a fool only because I can’t forget things. Oh what an irony!

So what happened is I woke up with a tune in my mind. I mean I wasn’t listening to the song last night, it wasn’t playing anywhere in the morning, but when I woke up today, the first thought that came to my mind was that song. Which one? Bolna from Kapoor and sons.

And the song doesn’t just seem to go away. It was there with me in the bath, during the breakfast, on my way while driving, so much so that it was there in with me in the meeting too. I was humming the song silently while my client was saying something.

And it struck me then. What are you doing you fool? Stop singing!! It isn’t the place to sing.

And the song still didn’t go away. It keeps coming back, and the day isn’t over yet. I don’t know how many more blunders I am going to make today just for not forgetting the song!

 

Me- The ultimate fool.

On my birthday last month, my friend wished me good luck with such a heart-warming message and I the ultimate fool forgot his birthday. Well, I remembered, and I intended to call him up first thing in the morning, but then ‘the day’ happened and I forgot all about it. I just slipped. And the best part is I did not even remember this until 11:30 in the night. And then I grabbed my phone can called him instantly, simply apologizing. He did not mind, he said that he had been waiting for my call and had noticed that I hadn’t wished him yet. But still it was okay! So we had a good talk for a while and then we put off but I still did not like the fact that I forgot talking to him. While he on the other hand made it a point to call me at midnight, wrote me such a sweet text/poem. And what did I do? I forgot. Simple!

So I thought I’ll write him a poem or something, but then I realised that I don’t know what to write. What a shame!

So all I can say to him now is something like this,

Dear Yadu,

You are more capable than you think. And there is only one thing that I am waiting for you to do, write a book! You don’t give yourself enough credit for it, but you deserve every bit of it. You can really write a book which will be worth it, no matter what language you write in.

So may be very soon, eh?

I attach here the message he wrote me, and you can decide for yourself if he is capable or not. (Also I did a little translation in English which I am really not proud of. And I also know this is going to annoy him. He doesn’t like translations.)

Ek unsuljhi paheli, ek khamosh si kahani, ek mushqil sa sawal

Ye sab thi tum, aur shayad abhi bhi ho kisi k liye

Lekin jab jana to laga ye sab nahi ho tum,

Sirf ek acchi dost ho mere liye

Ek paheli nahi, paheliyo ka rasta ho tum

Khamosh kahani nahi ek bolti kitab ho tum,

Mushkil sawal nahi, un sawalo ka jawab ho tum

Beshaq alag ho tum, auro se bilkul alag,

Tabhi to shayad hazaroo ki bheed me tumhe pehchanna asan tha.

*

An unsolved puzzle, a silent story, a difficult question,

You were all of these things to me,

May be you are still one of these things for someone else, but not me.

Now when I know you, you aren’t any of these things to me.

You are only a true friend for me.

You are not an unsolved puzzle, but the answers to all the puzzles.

Not a silent story, but you are a book with your own life story,

You are not a difficult question, but you are the answers to all the questions.

Of course you are totally different from others,

That is why may be it was way too easy for me to find you among the crowd of 1000s.

Wasted Sunday.

  • Woke up at 10 AM and still did not wish to wake up.
  • Skipped breakfast, but compensated with two cups of coffee.
  • What I exactly did till noon, even I can’t fathom.
  • Had lunch, and just after lunch, I had the strong urge to go back to sleep again.
  • Resisting everything, I tried to focus and study!
  • Nope, not my day.
  • My stomach started to ache acutely again, shutting down the left over wish to study.
  • I switched on the TV, watched a whole movie. What was it? ‘Our brand is crisis.’
  • In the evening I tried getting out of my bed, but the pain was throbbing and I had no intention of even going out of my room.
  • A novel saved me.
  • I had an early dinner, followed by a huge tub of ice cream. Really spoiling myself.
  • Half tub of ice cream was accompanied by another movie. Which one? ‘Runway bride’
  • Movie and a slow eater of that almost milk shake kind of ice cream made it till I don’t know what time.
  • Again the urge to sleep. But it wasn’t late enough.
  • So I kept myself busy with the novel again. As always, it worked.
  • Late in the night, I was about to turn off but then the phone kept buzzing.
  • All kinds of people texting me simultaneously. Where were they the whole day? When ‘I’ was bored?
  • I reply for a few minutes trying to make it short, but the conversation gets interesting with a couple of people, and I continue.
  • It’s 1 AM now and it’s really time to sleep. I wish them good night, and then go off to bed, finally!
  • Oh, I don’t even feel guilty. Should I? I think, I should but the thing is I don’t.
  • So there, that’s how I wasted my Sunday.

Today’s Realization

Always being referred to as the ultimate ‘neat freak’, or ‘the Monica’ from the famous TV show F.R.I.E.N.D.S; my friend remained speechless when she entered my room today.

Regaining composure she mouthed, “What have you become?”

That’s when realisation struck me, that is when I gathered that the past few days had been really trying and I had been all messed up.

I simply laughed in response, grabbed my purse and lead her out to the main door.

Peeking a look behind, I made sure, that today, I will clean that unwanted disarray.  Today, when I return home, the bed will be made, the books will be stacked exactly how they should be, and the study table will have no sheets simply lying around under the fake paper weights as mobile chargers, pen drives, so much so as even my phone back cover. The most important task, even the laundry will be done, there can be no extra clothes just hanging around in my room.

I will be back to my being normal today, though for my friend, I will always be the ‘abnormal neat freak’.

Keeping Busy

No, I am not busy, I mean I am but not because I am busy, but only because I want to be busy.

Does this even make sense?

I hope so.

PS: In the extent of keeping myself busy to avoid things, i hardly know what am I exactly doing.

An imaginary essay

A tribute

To the pearl of our family

My grandfather…

My grandfather has had a great influence on me. Ever since I was born I have always been influenced by him, his actions, and his way of dealing with life. Though we have been together for a very short period of time we have shared great moments which can never be forgotten.

My grandfather was a great man. Despite being a common man he was no less than a saintly person. He had a very pure and a helpful heart. He belonged to an extremely poor family from a very small village called ‘Chakuliya’. In his days education was not so common but still he had managed to do P.H.D in Sanskrit. He wanted to become a Sanskrit professor but luck did not favour him. In spite of his so called degree he did not get any job and thus having no option he decided to continue his father’s business. This was just the first sacrifice he made for his family because after this followed a chain of sacrifices. I wonder how despite these facts he was happy at heart. He never regretted for what he did, rather he always thought about others first and then for himself. And this was the reason why my grand father has always been a special person in my life.

He had an appealing personality. He was loved by all. He was no different from any of our grand fathers. He too was very old, had long beard, very huge but a well maintained and strong body. He had a very happy-go-lucky nature and this was probably the cause for his being loved by everyone. He was a role model for many people. He could easily solve anyone’s problem and was himself a winner in his life.

He had sacrificed for his parents, for his children, and even his grandchildren. He always loved us and cared for us. He took his family business to great heights and had done everything on his own capabilities. Despite seeing numerous twists and turns in life he had proved himself as a strong man and even challenged life.

My grandfather had a very good and close relation with me. Being the only daughter in his family I was loved by him a lot. He pampered me and in return I loved him the most. We shared a special bonding, a bonding which I shared with no one else ever in my life and will never do. We passed most of the time together. Till I was sent to the nursery school he looked after me the whole day. I used to share everything with him- what I did in my school, what was I taught, my interests, and what I wanted to do further. And so on and so forth. My cute meaningless talks never ended but he enjoyed even those conversations. He helped me in my studies and always protected me from my mother when I did anything wrong.

Apart from this he gave me lessons regarding life. He taught me small manners, etiquettes, and the ways of behaving formally and informally. He never scolded me but he always explained to me why I should not do something. He had the biggest hand in building my personality. He was the only one who could understand me well.

It was then, when I was in class 2, he was suffering from throat cancer. His case was critical and the cancer was in its last stage. I was absolutely unaware about this. Even in this situation he never showed his tension, worries and problems to anyone. He still thought about others and their happiness. He behaved in a manner as if nothing had happened. At that time he heard the news that his youngest son had met with an accident and he needed blood. I should say he really was a great man, for even in his last days he did not lose hope when everyone else had. He did whatever he could for my uncle.

The last thing he wanted to do was to donate his own blood to my uncle. B- was short in the blood banks of our city and none of our relatives were B- except the pearl among pearls ‘My Grandfather’. He was a cancer patient and thus he could not donate his own blood. He was just unable to bear this fact. He felt helpless, paralysed and yet he did not lose it. I am really proud to be HIS grand daughter, really he was a man to be remembered for what he did in the past and what he did next. He brought innumerable poor people, got their blood tests, and those who were B- were paid a huge amount for donating their blood to my uncle. Wasn’t that just great? Yes it was. But great people do die and he too died in a month giving our uncle a new life.

Heartbroken we were and depressed I was to lose the best pearl, the strongest pillar of our family. He has imprinted his memories on us with such an ink which is just impossible to erase.

He had left some letters for me teaching me principles of life and giving me pieces of advice. I love him a lot and I miss him a lot. I even follow his footsteps. Whenever I am in a problem I place myself in his place and think what he would do if he would have been in the same situation. He has always been my inspiration and will always be. I miss his small and cute gifts, chocolates, beatings, thrashings and scolding. Even today I read those letters very often but have firmly decided to follow him throughout my life.

Days have passed like years but I have remembered them with silent tears.

PS: I called it imaginary because I don’t remember much of it. All of this is what I kept listening form my family members, which I poured out in words when I was a teen. And I could only wish I had the chance of living it once more, just to cherish those moments.