Tag Archives: feelings

What Do You Do?

What do you do when something occupies too much of your time, too much of the space in your already overthinking mind?

What do you do when things that happen are absolutely out of your control?

What do you do when there are only negative thoughts, and more destructive thoughts making home in your heart and mind?

Needless to say the first suggestion would be to talk things out, to share your woes and doubts with people who care about you.

You pray and hope, and calm your mind but those little evil people are trapped within you.

Then comes the idea of writing your feelings down, word by word. Writers often tend to this technique to cure the ache.

But you see, when desperation kicks in, you go as far as writing your frame of mind and even burning the sheet down to mere ashes; repeatedly!

What do you do when despite all the efforts, those thoughts and feelings stick with you?

What do you do when your thoughts are absolutely out of control? When those thoughts, pains you like a piercing needle, slowly seeping blood out?

What do you do when you can take no more?

What do you do when nothing helps, and even the thoughts (the fact that it is not happening in reality, it is only a thought and a feeling in my head is significant here) shatter you to the core?

What do you when you can’t face the consequences of those thoughts?

 

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Importance of Language

Ever wondered, what if there was no language?

What if we humans too would depend on only sign language and sounds like other beings?

Would everything will be simpler or more complex?

Would communication be any simpler with lesser options, or would it be more demanding?

What if there were no words, and only feelings?

When Your Friend gets Engaged!

Wasn’t it just yesterday when we used to fight with each other for really nothing?

When we used to fuss over the group projects, and who would do it entirely, while everyone of us would just take the credit?

When we used to fight for notes?

When we wanted to duck behind last benches and avoid eye contact with teachers?

When we used to make plans, and unending plans of hanging out at each other’s places.

When we used to tease each other by saying who’d get married first?

When we would go to extremes to just make an ‘April fool’ of somebody.

When, we’d just finish our tiffin boxes way before the recess?

When we’d smile cunningly when someone’s crush passed by?

When we’d go to the same coaching only to be together and just kill more time?

 

Wasn’t it just yesterday, when we’d roam about the whole day, and open our books the night before the exams, and yet manage to pass?

When we’d get together right 15 minutes before the exam bell, and yet manage to explain the entire syllabus to each other?

wasn’t it just yesterday, when we were kids (Okay, at least teens) and had no trouble what so ever.

Where and how did we grow up?

 

Going to a distant relatives wedding, or your elder sister’s wedding is way different than going to your own friend’s engagement party, the one friend whom you know since childhood, with whom you grew up. Where did the  years go by?

I really can’t believe one of us is getting married, who knows who would be there next, on the stage, smiling and accepting wishes from others.

I must say, as much as I am happy for this dear friend, I am scared  too.

 

A Word is All I Need

I read something yesterday, and I loved it so much that honestly I will not be satisfied unless I share it, post it almost everywhere.

So here it goes-

Touch me with words where your hands can’t reach.

-M. Razon

The jealous being!

This past week kept forcing on me only one thing repetitively, starting from Monday morning till now, the minute that I am writing it, there was only one thing that came to me over and over. It has been rubbed on my face, time and again that people aren’t jealous of you when they fail, but jealousy comes in with your success. Their failure does not seem to be the foundation of such paltry feelings, but someone else’s accomplishment is.

And honestly there is no solution to jealousy! When jealous feelings makes home inside of you, no rationale helps. There is only one question that bothers, “Why not me?”

And if by some chance there is someone who isn’t jealous of your endeavours, you are simply fortunate to have that wonderful individual in your life.

 

My story: Of how I started writing!

A few years back, back in 2010-2011 around, I wasn’t this person that I am today. I was scared of everything, I was may be the most immature person you would have ever met, and may be, even the most depressed one. No one could tell then, not even my friends and family members. I had that talent in me, of hiding things, of hiding feelings. Come to think of it, I still have that talent, but I can safely say that I am not that person now, not anymore. I have moved out of that zone, for my own good.

It took me three years? Yes, I am that slow. I spent three years of my life crying and being helpless. I know you’d say, I should have known that no one is going to come and help me. I had to help myself. But I was lost then, and that’s what lost people do, they sulk. I am not saying my life stopped for those four years or so, it moved on very well. I went to school, I completed graduation, I did everything that most people my age did, but something was missing constantly.

I am sorry I am not going to mention what exactly happened, but I can mention three pointers,

A personal trauma relating family issues;

A social change,

And, being thrown into the ocean, when I did not know how to swim. (Metaphorically of course)

Anyways, my life moved on, yes it did, but I did not. I was in complete denial of what was happening. All at once.

Why did I not talk to anyone?

You think, I wouldn’t have? I did, but parents had raised a ‘strong woman’ who wouldn’t need her parents’ help every now and then, and my friend’s, well, they never seem to get me. Partying is more fun, I agree. It was not their fault. Whenever I would sit and want to talk to any one of them about my problems, it seemed they weren’t interested or at least they didn’t get me. And how would they, they weren’t in my position. Instead they felt that I kept repeating my problems, so I just stopped talking, stopped talking about my problems to them, and eventually I just stopped talking to them.

And then I lost all my friends too. I was in no way going to make new friends; I had lost faith in them.

I said them? Oh, sorry, I had lost faith in myself.

So that went on for about some time, and then I realised that my thoughts, my feelings were eating me. I couldn’t contain anything else inside of me now. I had to hold my fist tight, clench my jaws, breathe hard inside, to not to let out anything. And I could not let out anything, believe me, I just could not.

And even if I did, who would take that all in? Who would want to be surrounded by a depressed teen?

And that’s when I realised I had to do something, that’s when I borrowed comfort from a pen, loaned some security from the blank papers, fought for sanity from my own words, from my own feelings.

I am not saying it happened overnight, I am blatantly saying it might have taken me half my youth, but I did it. I came over it. I managed to conquer the harsh feelings my heart bore and I came out the person I am today, the Moushmi you all know.

That’s my story, that’s how I started writing, though blogging is what I started just a few months back. I would love to listen to your views, or better yet, how you started writing? What made you the writer you are today?