Tag Archives: life

Lost Opportunities!

What do you do when an opportunity knocks at your door, a good opportunity that you were not seeking, that you were not waiting for, and which came out of the blue? A normal human like you would open the door in a flick and grab that opportunity to may be never let it go, right? But the ever questioning woman that I am, the ever reasonable and rationale seeking person that I am, always, always does otherwise. I, for that matter, when an opportunity knocks, do not grab hold of it. What I do is, I open the door, pick it up, trying to make myself feel that I might just keep it this time, but instead set it aside and leave the room, the house, and run  away, as far away as I can.

It is not that I don’t ever want that chance; I am a human after all. But every single time, reasons and other plights and scrapes take hold over that door and shut its bolts.

Well, I am not complaining, I cannot. It was my decision, and I am in all means responsible for it. Neither do I regret it, nor this time, nor have I ever. Every single time I bid adieu to something which I couldn’t get hold of, I have never regretted it. Sometimes it might have made me nostalgic, a bit sentimental may be, but as time elapses I get over it.

But what keeps me going is the road beyond that door, with no limits, the free air, the cool breeze, and those tiny little droplets of hope.

The process isn’t easy though.  Sometimes is crucial and sometimes it’s a cakewalk, well it depends every time.

But every single time, I wonder what if this was my last opportunity? What if that door never opens again? What if nothing else comes up? What if I have exhausted all my opportunities? What if no other window opens up?

But then again, that is a chance I am willing to take, for the same sake of reasons and plights which I leave them.

They say, an opportunity lost is an opportunity gained, at least the optimists do. (Unlike the pessimists whose exhortation would be “An opportunity lost is lost forever) May be I gain another opportunity every single time, and may be some of these days; I am going to have to remind myself that their stock is being heaped down soon.

I could simply say, at this point, I can relate to Kazuo Ishiguro when he said, “There was another life that I might have had, but I am having this one.”

PS: Do you guys go through any of this? Do you regret your decisions? What do you think, is every opportunity lost, lost forever? Or do you think everything happens for a reason, and are a hopeless disciple of destiny?


Death Or Life- What Gives You True Pain?

2018 has not been very compatible to me yet, I guess it doesn’t feel good with me, or it just doesn’t want to make me feel good. Any which ways, I am tortured. 3 months and 3 deaths!! How is that possible? How am I supposed to even live with it? You will say, I have to and I will but it doesn’t at all feel good. None of them were close family members but all of the three people were relatives, one being a friend a distant one, a junior school-mate and yet I do not feel good about it. I feel sad.

Having received death news is never good news, of course it never is but then when you hear about a person’s death that was your age, your friend, you do not know what to do. It cripples your heart.

This friend I am talking about wasn’t my best friend, so I cannot say I am dying inside to hear this, but he was a kind person, a sweet person. I knew his family very well, his sister, his mother, even his dad. All of them are such lovely souls, and yet, I ask, do they really deserve this? Do they deserve the death of a young son, a young and a happy-go-lucky brother? Does that young boy deserve death? I repeat, young, again and again, only to emphasise, the fact that a mere 20 something person died, all of a sudden, leaving behind all his loved ones, shattered and broken.

I feel so depressed, writing about it, even thinking about it, that I cannot even begin to think how and what his family might be going through. I, really cannot say that I understand their pain, no I cannot, and can never until I go through such a loss.

This brings me to a thought, again and again and again. What if something so traumatic happens with me or my family? What if, I have to go through something so disturbing and painful? What will I do? I am losing it completely now, how would I handle anything beyond this?

Death is unpredictable, absolutely uncertain, then how can anyone live with this uncertainty?

And yet, we have to. We have no other alternative. Do we?

They say; time heals everything. But does it? Or does it simply makes you immune, and gives you the patience to live with it?

The selfish human that I am, I am making it all about me, again. I am forgetting, rambling about my agony here, that this, what I am going through now, is simply nothing. It is ‘just’ a fear of losing someone, and the pain of losing a friend, an acquaintance, and in no case it can be compared to what his family might be going through now. I am truly sorry for him and his family. Whatever I write and say here, can in no possible way express what I am feeling right now. I can in no amount of synonyms and adjectives express my feelings. I am so deeply touched that it can be expressed with nothing, with no words.

I cannot even begin to think what his loved ones might be going through now, and honestly I do not have the courage to, too.

William Shakespeare once said, “Death once dead, there’s no more dying then.”

So is it okay, that he is dead? His pain is over, right? But what about the people that he left behind? I ask this here, because, there is a possibility that he committed suicide. I cannot say for sure, we have just heard it. Some said, it was a road accident, and yet others who lived with him have to say that he committed suicide. We don’t know, and we might never know. But does the reason matter?

Does it?

According to Shakespeare, after death, there is no pain, but I guess there is. There definitely is.

I am sorry. I guess I have said enough, only to feel more vulnerable. Today, all I can think about is death, and its consequences. This truly is not making me feel good. (I know I must have repeated this several times, but I honestly don’t feel good.)

To end this post on a cliché dialogue from a full time Bollywood movie (Boss)

Ronit Roy says-“ maut ko to yuhin log badnam karte hai.. asli takleef to zindagi deti hain.”

“People defame death, but true pain and suffering comes from life.” (Okay, I know the English translation might not be that effective.)

And I think, today, I do agree with this dialogue, doesn’t suffering come from life? Once you are dead, you are simply dead. But when you are alive, you are alive, alive with that excruciating pain. And you can do nothing about it.

I am in no position to judge anything here, nor do I want to. But I desperately feel bad for this friend of mine. We may have lost touch, but this news came as a shock.

In a flick, he just passed away, and left behind grief and misery for everyone who knew him.

From the bottom of my heart, I pray that no single person has to go through with the kind of pain that he might have gone through, and that his family must be going through. May all of them find the strength that they truly need in this crucial hour.

And may his kind soul rest in peace.

Valentine Fever!

So I was returning home from work today when, standing at the traffic signal, I noticed how the shops around were decked and draped with the colour of love. Every tiny shop around had jewels of the said colour and honestly, true to God I have never seen so much of red in my life at the same time. It wasn’t like walking inside one of the shops; rather it must seem like walking into a whole new red heart throbbing of love and only love. The entire street had all kind of gifts for the said day, the day when you express your love to your other half.

The fact that the love needs to be expressed specifically on the said day is a little disturbing for me, but hey who am I to judge?

It must be like a birthday, I mean one special day where you make someone feel more special than every normal day.

Okay, so having accepted the fact I still couldn’t stand the entire street spread with red garlands and temporary kiosks selling gifts for your valentine.

Okay, I agree again, being single on Valentines does get you a little cranky. But then again, I have never believed in a particular day when you need to express love. I mean if I love someone, I will say it again and again, every single day.

So basically what all singles do when the valentine week approach is make fun of the week and pass tentative jokes. It is almost like laughing at yourself, year after year. Well, this is what one of my friend said, so don’t blame me!

But I guess we do laugh at ourselves.

I mean of course we should, at least at our own behaviour, whining and cringing at a mere sight of a lovely couple. Sometimes, I feel like saying to myself, “Go, get a life, and stop making fun of the wonderful couple that is so in love, the kind of love which you fail to appreciate.”

Having this kind of conversation with the mentioned friend, made me realise that it isn’t the day that we loath, it is the fact that we are single. May be, there is a teeny-tiny possibility that if we were committed to someone, if we were ‘so-in-love’ then may be even we’d fall in love with the idea of love. May be even we’d like to walk down that extremely decorated red shop and buy a small souvenir for our loved one, only to remind him or her how much we love them. After all, it is just a reminder that we love you, that you are one special person that we certainly wouldn’t want to let go of. May be even we’d want to do all the crazy stuff the other couples do, only to make the partner happy.

Well, that’s just a small ‘maybe.’

But coming back to the present, as long as we are single, I guess we’d just cringe and laugh off the over-crowded colourful shops, restaurants, parks, clubs, and pretty much everything on the 14th of February!

I do have another option though, for singles. (Because I assume all the duos in love to already have planned the day)

Well, as for singles, I guess we can’t do pretty much anything except to be our own valentine. Well, as much as it may sound weird, why not!!

Make yourself feel special, treat yourself as the most important person, and make yourself your first priority. You ought to love yourself, right?

So, here’s wishing to all my loved ones (Singles and the couples), a very happy valentine!

Go, spread the love! (I assume again, it is already in the air since the week starts)

A Casual Recluse.

They say that I have trust issues, that I do not believe when someone is telling me the truth, that I will always try and check the strength of their truth.

Well, give me one good reason, not to doubt them.

I mean, honestly, I am yet to find a person who wouldn’t lie to me, who would be with me without any kind of motive for themselves. All I have ever found is, we meet, we connect and then as soon as their job is done or something inappropriate occurs, their ship sails. So, of course I am going to have issues trusting you.

Why would I not have them?

Which brings me to another thought; as much as we might want someone else’s company, our own company can never be matched.

Living with yourself; and living for yourself is what is best at such circumstances. Sometimes it is necessary to distance yourself from people and peep into the inner you.




Life Doesn’t frighten Me

At times of distress, words like these help 🙂

A poem by Maya Angelou

Shadows on the wall
Noises down the hall
Life doesn’t frighten me at all

Bad dogs barking loud
Big ghosts in a cloud
Life doesn’t frighten me at all

Mean old Mother Goose
Lions on the loose
They don’t frighten me at all

Dragons breathing flame
On my counterpane
That doesn’t frighten me at all.

I go boo
Make them shoo
I make fun
Way they run
I won’t cry
So they fly
I just smile
They go wild

Life doesn’t frighten me at all.

Tough guys fight
All alone at night
Life doesn’t frighten me at all.

Panthers in the park
Strangers in the dark
No, they don’t frighten me at all.

That new classroom where
Boys all pull my hair
(Kissy little girls
With their hair in curls)
They don’t frighten me at all.

Don’t show me frogs and snakes
And listen for my scream,
If I’m afraid at all
It’s only in my dreams.

I’ve got a magic charm
That I keep up my sleeve
I can walk the ocean floor
And never have to breathe.

Life doesn’t frighten me at all
Not at all
Not at all.

Life doesn’t frighten me at all.


I have come to realise that life is after all simple; it is us who keep complicating it again and again.

As for me, my worst bane is overthinking!!

If only I’d stop analysing so much I could really lead a simpler, or at least a more disentangled life.

The Robbed Hope.


What is living without hope?

It is, an artist without his art,

A painting without colours.


What is living without faith?

It is, a song without the tunes,

And dance without music.


What is life without belief?

It is a story without characters,

A story without words.


Oh, the robbed hope is back again,

The hope which I had always lived by,

The hope which my spirit held so dear,

It has come out of its hidings.